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Monday, September 5, 2011


I don't really know what this post is going to be about. I have so many thought racing through my mind I feel like putting them to paper. Well, digitally that is. I feel like knowing someone with an illness (mental of physical) puts people in an awkward position. It is similar to when someone dies and you don't know what to say to the loved ones left behind. You worry you will say the wrong thing, or upset them more, or sound stupid, or insensitive, or seem too nosy......I know, from when my Mom died, the worst thing to say is nothing. It is like there is that cliched elephant in the room. I remember people avoiding me because they didn't know how to react. Not everyone, mind you, was this way. And I am not trying to make anyone feel bad. I recently went to a funeral for a young man who shot himself and I will admit I wasn't sure what to say to his family.
I know I am rambling but I will try tying this back into those with mental/physical illnesses. People would always tell my mom she would get better when we knew she wouldn't. Likewise, I will never get better from bipolar. The difference is, my mom's illness was acute and terminal. I struggle with my every day but as long as I keep it in check it won't take my life. The reason I compare the two is I feel like a social leper at times. I thought it was just in my head but going to my support group I learned I am not alone in my thinking. It goes back to that not knowing what to say, or how to treat people who are "ill". Again, I say the worst thing to say is NOTHING! It makes things more awkward to ignore them. I am completely open about my condition and speak in jest of it often. I thought that would make others more comfortable with it, but I guess I was mistaken. I understand leaving people to deal with things in their own way. Some may just not want to keep our relationship going and I will have to accept that. I just feel I have many damaged/disrupted relationships and it sucks. I can't go back to being silent. I have already announced to the whole world I am bipolar. To be honest, I am glad that I did......but sometimes the more you put yourself out there, the more lonely you become. Lame.
On a happier note, I just got back from camping and feel recharged for the week. Nothing like fresh air and stars in the sky to remind you how freaking radical the outdoors truly are.

1 comment:

Susan Chadwick said...

Don't stop posting. It will serve you well as time goes on and it will be good for your children to have your journal. People are nervous about what to say but that's because they have not experienced what you are experiencing. Something in their lives will one day help them react toward you as they used to. Bipolar is treatable and not the end of the world, just as you point out in your blog. You are an inspiration to me and I admire you even more for being open. Keep smiling and keep posting.