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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's back to school I go.

Well it's that time of year again. Back to school!! For me, that also means back to work. I absolutely love my summer's off, but I also love my job and look forward to another fantastic year. I like the routine into which I fall once that first bell rings. I don't mind change, in fact I get bored if things stay the same for long, but knowing I have to be somewhere at a certain time forces me to get out of bed no matter how few hours of sleep I receive or how crappy I feel that day. Additionally, being around students all day provides endless joy and laughter. Kids are freaking hilarious! Of course there are those moments I want to pull my hair out, but those moments are few and far between.
To reiterate, I LOVE MY JOB! Sometimes I feel guilty for working and not being home with my kids all day, but I think guilt comes with being a Mother. The things I glean from working in education benefit my kids more than dropping them off at preschool (although I really miss doing that). I have never felt that being bipolar has disrupted my job performance or my relationships with students or coworkers. If I felt I weren't able to provide my best work I would quit. This post is to provide assurance that those who live bipolar lives are just as competent as everyone else. :)

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Moving on

Due to recent events, I have been contemplating whether or not to continue this blog. I thought that being open about my illness would eliminate some of the stigma associated with bipolar. I thought that if people knew they could talk openly with me that there would be no awkwardness within my relationships.
As it would happen, I have been taken advantage of and hurt by people close to me. My openness has served as a source of judgement and accusation. I spent a few weeks angry and upset but have come to the conclusion people are who they are.
Not all of the problems in my life are caused by bipolar. There are things about which I am stressed that would upset ANYONE! I think people should look into their own lives before they judge another's. I was ready to give up on this blog and pull back into a secretive shell of nondisclosure to protect myself until I talked to a very insightful friend. He made me realize that, although there will always be insensitive people, talking about my life openly could help a lot of people.
Just because some people look to my openness as an opportunity to judge is no reason to stop trying to enlighten others who may benefit or relate from sharing my story.
I am human. I am going to have good and bad days just like everybody else. I am going to get upset if someone does something hurtful, I am going to get excited when something extraordinary happens, I am going to feel pain for someone who has just lost a family member, I am going to laugh when I see something funny, I am going to disagree with people at times, I am going to support people in whom I believe, I am going to take care of myself and my family and I will live life to it's fullest. Just because I am bipolar doesn't put me in a different class of the human species.
Yes I have an illness that I have to keep in check. Just as a diabetic has to monitor his/her insulin levels. I am done being worried about what others think. I know who I am and I am proud to share my story. I refuse to live life thinking twice about what I say because I am worried about how I will be judged. My name is Leesa, I am bipolar and I am moving on.
As for my insightful friend, you know who you are and I am grateful for your support in this matter and for giving me the momentum I need to keep this blog going.