Stable Schmable

I am trying to come to terms with what "being stable" actually entails. I suppose it is a good thing, right? I am not bouncing off the walls with ideas or wishing I could just disappear......
The problem is that now I feel, well, nothing. I am a robot stuck in a human body. I don't feel happy. I don't feel sad. I don't even feel apathetic. Is this what my life has come to? No joy, no pain, no anything? Perhaps now people who were too afraid to ask how I am doing will stop avoiding me but is that really better than having no emotions? I guess so. Maybe.
I know that Bipolar is a crazy roller coaster and often I wish for a pit stop, but does it have to be so bland? I miss my creativity. Hell, I miss my personality!
Stable.....that is what I was aiming for? This is the only way people can stand me? But, can I stand myself? I see now why people with Bipolar are often tempted not to take their meds. If I didn't have a family I can honestly say I would be tempted too.
I suppose I will keep "faking it" with everyone and going through the motions. Maybe now I won't feel like a social pariah. I just can't figure out who I should be trying to make happy. It sure as heck isn't me. Oh well. The joys of this blasted illness.
I should feel aggravated by this new development, but, thanks to my being "stable" I feel nothing.....