A Creed to Live By

I stole this from a friend's blog because I thought it was beautiful.

A Creed To Live By 
By Nancye Sims

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.

It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important.

Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.

Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future.

By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give.

Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.

It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks.

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.

The quickest way to receive love is to give love.

The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;

and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't dismiss your dreams.

To be without dreams is to be without hope;

to be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been,

but also where you're going. Life is not a race,

but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

Copyright © 1996 Nancye Sims

Here comes the sun...doo...doo...doo...doo...

What is going on with the weather Utah? It is the beginning of January and I have spent a good portion of the week riding bikes, shooting hoops and playing OUTSIDE. All this WITHOUT a coat! It is almost eerie to see the sun shining down on snow deprived trees. I am in NO way complaining but I do have some fears. I hope that this abnormally pleasant weather isn't prelude to a late blooming winter. I do not want to have snow in JUNE!!! My other concern is that there will be no "greatest snow on Earth" on which I can ski/board. This is the first year my whole little family can hit the slopes. Hmmmmm.
The reason I bring up the weather is because my mood has been unusually pleasant for this time of year as well. A couple posts ago I mentioned being bummed after coming home from vaca. I have since settled into my normal routine. In January's past the dark, cold weather has left me less motivated, grumpy and sometimes angry. You would think that after 30 years I would have come to accept the fact we have winter! LOL I think that every year, when the leaves begin to fall, a little part of me thinks maybe, just ,maybe winter will forget to make an appearance.
Thus far, maybe this year it won't!

Brain scan bummer!

Mental illness is so hard to understand, diagnose and prove existence of because there is no blood test or scientifically accepted scan that causes a doctor to say, "Yes! You absolutely have bipolar disorder." We simply rely on behavior and mood monitoring to diagnosticate. There is NO part of me that doubts I have this order and I have accepted this. I DO, however, wish there were some source of reliably viewing the brain during  both a manic as well as depressive episodes. As it turns out, my hopes of this may be approaching reality.

Throughout my everlasting search for insight into my constant companion, Mr. Bipolar, I have happened upon several scans of brains exhibiting observation of the brain during manic/depressed episodes. The following link shows a few of these mentioned images which I find interesting. Maybe I should have been careful what I wished for. 

bipolar brain scans

The most troubling statements in this study is as follows:

"They found that people with bipolar disorder suffer from an accelerated shrinking of their brain. "

"Imaging studies carried out four years apart showed loss of brain tissue in the areas controlling memory, face recognition and coordination."

Soooooo uncool! I have always been of the mindset that I can handle growing old so long as I have my brain and wits about me. Looks like that dream may not be attainable. Bummer! I refuse to lose hope or succumb myself to thinking I will be senile in my old age, but it does cause me concern.
It is my hope that in the near future we will be better able to interpret what mental illnesses look like and how they affect the brain so we can better understand what we are dealing with. This information would prove valuable for research into treatment. 

Post Holiday/ Post Vaca Blues

I hope everyone had as wonderful a Christmas as my family and I did!!!
The parties are over, the gifts have been unwrapped, the Christmas cards have been sent, the delectable treats you consumed in volume are sitting comfortably around your waistline and now you are left with the aftermath. There are decorations to put away, a tree to take down, a cold winter to prepare for and everyone is too partied out to get together. Well, for me, add coming home from vacation into the mix!!!
We were lucky enough to go on a cruise with Mike's ENTIRE family for Christmas and had such a fantastic time that I am now finding myself a little depressed to go back to "normal" life. From the moment I stepped off the ship I felt my heart sink. I thought to myself, "of course you are sad! You haven't had to prepare a meal in over a week. You have spent the last eight days with cousins you love. You have watched your kids engulfed in Disney magic. You have seen and felt the warmth of the sun in December!" I assumed the feelings of sadness would dissipate as I got back into my usual routine.
We have barely been home 24 hours so maybe I should cut myself some slack, but I am still totally depressed! I can't seem to find the energy to unpack seven suitcases and do laundry. Looking at the tree makes me even more frustrated. Why didn't I take it down before we left? The thought of taking down Christmas adds to my despair. Now, I am being purposefully dramatic. lol
Is it post holiday blues or post vacation sadness? Or BOTH? Are you all feeling a little down these days? I think there is so much hype surrounding Christmas we get on the holiday adrenaline train and once it's over we are left emotionally and physically exhausted!
Most of my posts deal with mania because rarely do I find myself on the depressed side of the bipolar spectrum. Furthermore, I am not clinically depressed as of late, I am just finding the lingering days of 2011 to be a bit dismal.
I wonder if my insurance would cover another cruise to banish my depression? What do you think?

Ask away......

I recently had a friend ask me some questions about my experiences dealing with bipolar. I was glad he shared an interest and hopefully I was able to shed some insight. I am still learning about the illness myself and how it all effects my quality of life. That said, if you ever have questions, please ask.
 The reason I decided to tell my story was to create awareness. It is helpful to know what people want to know and how they view mental illness. I am not offended if people are put off by who I am or with what I am going through. I am who I am and unfortunately there is no cure for Bipolar. At least not yet. lol I have my fingers crossed. I am grateful for my good times and empowered by overcoming the bad ones.
 I know many people suffer in silence. I have experienced first hand the loss of relationships due in some part to what I am. I assume any of you reading this are not of that company. Whether it is concern for my well-being or simply curiosity, I appreciate your support. That is why I am MORE than happy to answer questions. Your inquiries give me percipience into how to further my cause.

Christmas Group Therapy

My cute neighbor sent me this and I think it is hilarious. What good is having a mental illness if you can't laugh about it?

Manic-tastic!

I have come to terms with the fact I have an illness that will follow me for the rest of my life. I am even trying to make it work in my favor. If I could be hypo-manic all the time I would be in heaven. It is the place where I am thinking clearly, my mind is racing but in more of a creative way rather than a paranoid one and I feel like I can do ANYTHING! It is the place where I feel the most "normal", even if I have to make sure I am not on the verge of becoming full out manic.

When the creative juices are flowing I get projects done, plan out the next year's birthday parties, read books in record time and write (one of my very fav things to do). I even painted Summer's doll house, inside and out,  in a single night. I painted all of the furniture that night too.

I am trying to have a positive outlook on life. I hate the highs and lows but appreciate when I am in the middle, or slightly above the middle, when I feel creative and free.